Ooooh Snap, it's SUMMER!

It seemed like I'd never muster up the energy to write again, but here I be! The last few months have been awesome. I have had the opportunity to work with some amazing vets in a large animal clinic and have learned a ton! We also decided to make the move to Utah State University and have since found an apartment (where our dog Dixie Normous can stay with us) and I have registered for classes! I think the class that I am most looking forward to is called "Swine Production". Swine Flu be damned! That class is gonna be sick! Anyone who knows me could tell you that bacon is my favorite vitamin and pulled pork supplements are the only way to go to ensure a well balanced meal.

So, on to the fabled list of what I learned last semester (I know that's what you came here for so here goes).

1) Studying in a group is not a guaranteed route for success. Especially when your study buddy is also your number one pick for wing man on Halo 3...

2) It's important to reward your success, no matter how trivial they may seem. Professors are too mean, chemistry is too hard, and life is too short to deny yourself recognition for doing well on a test. For me, nothing quite hits the spot like a Mountain Dew and large box of Mike and Ikes...

3) Equine medicine has its own vocabulary, and when used liberally, can brighten the diyest dinner conversation. Here are a few examples of equine medical terms and their regular veterinary definitions: Twat=Vulva, Bitch/Cow=Mare with attitude problem, Pink Jesus Juice=Euthanasia, Stupin Son of a Bitch=horse that Dr. R needs to educate with his boot and the lead rope, ETC

4) I learned from our stable guy, Pepe, that if you sneeze, Sancho is at your house, so be careful!

5) Horses CANT SEE THEIR FEET! Just ask my little toe on my right foot how it feels to have 1200lbs on it! Thank heavens for boots, but freeeeak it still hurts!


Well, this summer looks like it's going ot be eventful, so stay tuned and I'll keep you updated! Thank's for reading!

I'm not dead yet...

Just a quick note before I retire to bed. I'm really sorry to all for not writing more often! It's just that lately I've been swamped with finals and work at the hospital! As many of you know, spring time means foals, vaccinations, castrations, and de-worming (with it's occasionally subsequent colic)! I appreciate all your comments, emails, twitters, prayers, and every bit of positive energy you've flung my way over the past few months. I have 2 more finals this Thursday and then I'll be done for the semester!

I am probably taking the summer semester off, so stay tuned for some wild stories from my end! Next post: the (in)famous list of things I've learned this semester! Cheers to all for reading!

-Matt

This is Your Brain...

So, here's a little something for you physiology buffs out there: Here is a picture of a healthy human brain, perhaps a good idea of what MY brain looked like prior to this weekend:


Now, let's take a look at what my brain HAS to look like now and let's hear the diagnoses:


You see, my brain, similarly to your brain, is made up of tiny little cells. When you take a cell and place it in a hypo tonic solution, what happens? Anyone? Anyone? Buler? That's right, the cell bursts, leaking its contents into the extracellular environment. As the above series of pictures illustrates, the same has happened to ALL the cells in my brain (the hypo tonicity due to an acute overdose of chemistry laws and equations), leaving a useless mass of stinky poo in my head.

Today's chem test has to be one of the most information-intensive exams I have ever taken! After this past long week/weekend of intense studying, I hope that I can somehow make sense of all the information swimming in my head and that my cow-poo brain will perform like a well-oiled machine!

For all my fellow students out there who have conquered chemistry: Any tips for me to actually understand and apply the concepts that are mercilessly hurled at me in class?

Thanks for reading!

Ger Er Did!

Well, I got the job working at the local large animal hospital! I have been calling the clinic every month or so for the past year, and when I found out that they were hiring, I about fell out of my chair. Anyway, the thing that gets me the most pumped is that it is foaling season! We had a seminar last night about foaling where we learned all about how to test the mare's milk, deliver foals, and ensure that the little guys have a fighting chance at life. Up until this point, I have found it hard to believe my chemistry professor when he says that people actually use it in real life...

I am reading a book by James Herriot about his experiences as a rural veterinarian in 1932 England. I find it comical how he is always commenting on how farmers seem to always think they know more about animals and what ails them than the vet. This phenomena was beautifully illustrated for me the other day at work when a farmer from Cedar Fort (a.k.a. BFE Utah) brought his pregnant red heeler in because she was limping. Diagnosis: Fractured left femur.

A puzzled look fame onto the doc's face and he said, somewhat confused, "Isn't that where she broke her leg a few months ago and I pinned it back together?" The young man, obviously befuzzled, replied, "Yeah, but after about a week and a half, my dad thought that the leg was healed up so he took out the pins..." Immediately thoughts of a ruddy-faced farmer with his buck knife, cutting the pins out of that poor dog's leg flashed into my mind.

The doctor, mustering all of his horseman charm, told the boy that after his dog whelped, then they'd probably have to amputate the leg (followed by a long stream of cowboy-bred explatives after the boy had gone). Moral: Follow your vet's instructions and please, for the love, DON"T USE A BUCK KNIFE TO PERFORM SURGERY ON YOUR DOG!!!

(The picture above, which is used without permission, bears a striking resemblance to my grandpa. Miss you To To)

Thanks for reading!

Panda Watch! (Not Really)

I am so behind in this issue, but do you remember the dog I helped to impregnate? Well, she's definitely pregnant! Here's a right lateral image of her abdomen. If you look closely, you can see the little spines and ribs and skulls starting to mineralize! (On the 2nd image, the bottom 2 arrows point to the spines and ribs I told you about, and the top one points to the mom's colon, packed to the point of breakage with poop. Maybe this is why pregnant women are so damned grouchy!) I just got word the other day that she was taken tot he local pet E.R. for a cesarean section. So, does that make me a dad?


So, today was my last day at the small animal clinic where I work. I am looking forward to next week, though, because I have an interview at the local large animal hospital. When I called to see if they were hiring, I about fell out of my chair when the manager said that they were. She pointed out that come March, all hell will break loose as foals and calves are being born. I'm very excited about that! If any of you large animal veterinarians out there have any tips for me as I venture into this field, or even to help me in my interview, please upbraid not!

But, it's back to my old friend the chemistry book for now!

When It Rains...

Thanks again to all of my readers for checking in on my last post! As some of you know, recent months have found me riding the bus and car pooling with my wife to school due to a torrent or mechanical problems with my trusty Isuzu SUV. It all started with a simple $300 timing belt that broke and eventually turned into a $2500 timing belt, 12 intake and 12 exhaust valves, a water pump, fuel pressure regulator, alternator, and battery. FINALLY, I thought, it was done and my life could resume some semblance of normality. I found, to my chagrin, that life had another curve ball to hurl my direction;

Recently, at the clinic I work at, some of the employees have had their hours drastically cut in an effort to "stay ahead of these uncertain economic times". Mine were reduced to 8 hours a week. Not exactly a salary that will pay the bills! So, I threw in the towel. I gave my notice and have spent the last few days calling every veterinary hospital in town to see if they're hiring technicians. However, there is a catch: recently, a giant, not-to-be-named wal-mart esq veterinary hospital suddenly went tits up. That put about 60 veterinary techs into the job market, thus making it very competitive for me to be able to secure a position at a new clinic.
So, I'm going for the shotgun effect: taking my resume to every single clinic here in the Salt Lake Valley in hopes that it will catch someone's eye.


On another note, I had the most bizarre dream the other day. I have never considered myself as a visionary man, so whenever I have a dream that I can remember, it is usually worth a laugh or two!

In my dream, I was a veterinarian (duh). I was doing a routine physical exam on a puppy and all of a sudden I sneezed. Now anyone who listened to their mother knows that when you sneeze, your eyes close so they don't pop out of your head, right? So, after I opened my eyes, the puppy had disappeared! Where could the little fella be? I could see it so vividly in my mind's eye: the image of a small, quivering puppy hiding in a dark corner somewhere in the clinic after being scared by my freight train like sneeze. The strange thing was, my concern wasn't for the well-being of the little dog, but the fact that if someone didn't find him right away, he'd probably starve to death and would stink up the whole clinic! (Macabre, I know!) So, I frantically set about to find the dog, albeit in vain, and eventually woke up.

I told my wife about the dream and she said that during the night, I had abruptly sat up and exclaimed, "Are you freaking kidding me? Where is it?" after which I circled the bed several times, both standing and on my hands and knees, probing under the bed, looking for heavens knows what.

It must be a good omen, though, that I'm already such a great vet that I can do it in my sleep! :) Thanks for reading and best wishes to all!

Live and Learn

So, this is the second attempt at writing this post. The first was way too sappy, and that's just not how I roll. I have learned a ton from this last semester at the University of Utah, and most of the things learned, I'm sure, will be of use to some of my readers, and if nothing else, entertaining. So, here's the list:

1) Anthropology is a class, not a store. In an effort to repel episodes of suicidal boredom, I will NEVER EVER sign up for a class that has absolutely nothing to do with my major, regardless of what my "advisor" tells me to do.

2) Though films of people falling and breaking their leg are funny, YouTube is not a very effective substitute for paying attention in class.

3) A little a$$ kissing never hurt anyone. In my political science (see #1) class, I developed a good relationship with my professor, who ended up giving me all the info I needed for our in class debate. That meant no research for me! Hahahahahahaha! (Evil laugh like it was all part of my sinister plan)

4) Worst enemies to studying: My laptop, Halo 3, winter doldrums, blogging, 9:00pm classes, replacing the drywall in our apartments, working (if done too much, and 30 hours a week is too much for me), did I mention Halo 3, and of course my car busting.

5) Utah really does have the best football team on earth. I feel that 2008 Utes would beat Ditka in a fight.

6) The federal government apparently has a minimum G.P.A. requirement to qualify for student loans. OOPS!

So, there you have it. They're just a few things I have taken from this semester at the U. Now if I could just get my effing car to start, I'd be off to school right now!

Oh and PS: I know there are several people reading/following this blog. I'd love to get a shout out, especially from my friends in Florida, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Missouri, North Carolina, Ireland, France, and Singapore. These are where I get the most readers (that actually spend some time and read my posts) from. Please just leave me a quick comment, as it would make my day!

Thanks!